Sex

Sex. As in we had it. Whoa.

Ok so I never got around to writing up an article I meant to a month or so ago about my opinion on the values of abstinence and waiting to have sex etc. A short little bit about that... I'll sound like a broken record here, but of course I think that sex (ie., when to have it, who to have it with, whatever you may talk about) is a totally situation-based kind of subject. Different people in different parts of their lives in different situations will feel very different about sex than others. And that is perfectly find by me. The only "self-doctrines" I suppose I hold on the topic are that I believe sex should be reserved for people you really feel love with and those who make you feel good and happy and special. I also think sex shouldn't be scary or unnatural or uncomfortable... I think that if you're sharing that much of yourself with someone, you should feel very happy and safe and comfortable (besides normal first-time jitters obviously). If you feel threatened about showing somebody your entire body and allowing them to invade that body... Maybe sex isn't the best idea. But of course there are exceptions to all of that, and every situation is unique. But in general, and especially for myself, that's what I feel.

Now about J. and I.

We originally planned on waiting only until I was able to take birth control, just to be safe and because we didn't mind waiting. However recently, we realized that we were simply ready to take that next step in our relationship. We felt like we were at that step and that we really wanted to be on that level with each other in our relationship. So we took the necessary precautions and... did it. And, to be frank, it was amazing. Like ten-times-better-than-I-could-have-imagined-first-time-sex-being-amazing. We were already comfortable with each other and our naked bodies and all the hands-on experience necessary to simply go the extra mile and get one part into the other. Though the condom business was a funny nervous-giggles-filled time, we figured it out, and the rest was mostly smooth sailing. There were funny parts, there were intense parts, and then afterward we cuddled and wrapped our bodies up in each other's and lay there just talking and giggling and hugging and it was beautiful. I never felt uncomfortable, I was never in pain, and after (not gonna lie) struggling a bit to figure out how to get it in, the sex was... well, really hot. We both enjoyed ourselves and didn't feel like it was in any way scary or bad or anything it shouldn't have been.

Now I recognize that not everybody has such an amazing first time, but I think it's possible to get close if not the same kind of experience as long as you're with somebody you love and trust and react well to. J. and I know each other better than we know ourselves and we're very comfortable with our true selves and each other. We know all of the others' flaws, and we love and embrace those flaws. This kind of equilibrium in our relationship made all of the potentially awkward things about our first time having sex non-existent, or innocently comical at the most. I'm so glad, now that we had sex and that we're on that level.

J. and I also discussed our before-and-after thoughts about society's views on sex... Before we actually had sex, I was a little intimidated about the whole thing, mostly because it was something new and I didn't entirely know what to expect. I feel like sometimes in the society we live in, we're bombarded with images of sex as meaningless and used whenever people feel like it, and that our reaction then is to defend the "purity" of sex and say in defiance, "no, I will save that for something special and I will look down upon those who do not do the same thing." And thus, we develop these stereotypes against sex that make it something horrible and necessary to avoid and unnatural and then we look down upon those who don't treat it that way. However, when we do things like this, we simply fall into a mode of thought that does not originate in our own minds and consciences, and this "principle" that we call our own but isn't is just as bad as not having a principle at all. I did exactly that though. Before having sex and understanding totally what it meant to me, I allowed myself to look at it in the light in which it was presented to me. Now I know better and I can actually look back on that mode of thinking and see its faults.

All in all, I definitely don't regret it at all. If anything it strengthened my relationship with J., and we're both really happy about that decision.

What about you? Any crazy first-time experiences with sex? Any funny first-time stories? Let me know!

See you when I see you.
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