Arguments

It bothers me a lot when people try to have conversations with me when they do either or both of the following... Assert a false dominance, or assume that their position is the correct one. When people do this I immediately become defensive because I don't know how to have an appropriate or constructive conversation or argument with those types of people. In my defensiveness I often stray towards the rhetorical usage of pathos, which constantly, time and time again, destroys the basis of my argument. Like any stereotypical siblings would fight, I get hurt by the metaphorical older brother or sister and whether or not that hurt was physical, I immediately scream, "Mom!!!! He hurt me!!!!" and run away crying. Unfortunately, running away crying is even less constructive and appropriate than the arguments I find myself in in the first place, and while my gut tells me it would be nice to do just that, my brain tells me it's a bad idea.

When I get into situations like this, it's rare that I make it out in a positive manner. In those situations I feel cornered, and I end up changing both my identity and my argument to adjust to the way others see the situation. However, this immediately crushes my argument and ends up making matters worse.

I struggle to maintain my inward identity when others assume its position and reactions in a way I know they cannot possibly do. People cannot know the way I think, and so in situations like this I tend to change my outward identity so they think they know how I think and feel. This muddles things even further than they've already been muddled, and then I don't even know what to do.

My relationships with other people tend to be healthy and constructive, but in situations like this, everything is flung out of balance and the harmony that I usually find with the outside world is disturbed.

I don't really have a conclusion for this piece except to say that acknowledging this is a positive step forward. Until this morning, when I was in a situation such as this, I never even tried to understand why I respnded the way I do to these situations. But when I stopped and tried to analyze my thoughts, this is ehat I found. And, I suppose I'll just try to move on from here.

See you when I see you.
A