Judgement

Recently I've had a tense-at-best relationship with my mom, and I've narrowed it down to a couple of reasons. One of the main things that keeps coming back at me is that my mom and I are simply very different people, and that while I see this with ease, it mostly seems that she just DOESN'T see that, and this leads to several tiffs. One of the biggest differences between me and my mother is that she is very harshly judgmental, and tends to think that she is always right... I on the other hand like to look at all sides of an argument, and I never judge people off of superficial things like race or hobbies or looks, etc (while she most definitely does). This superficial/deeper meaning difference between us extends to several things, not just our views of the outside world. She tends to think she knows what other people think based solely on specific actions, while I wait and see how people react in a variety of situations before I attempt to say I know their personality. She tends to be offended easily by total strangers, while I usually give people the benefit of the doubt if I think they've been cross or unfair with me. She tends to see things under the light of "how will I appear to others" while I tend to ask myself "how does this personally benefit me in growth as a person". Etc, etc, etc.

Recently, the tension between us has been growing, and I have to admit that it really is mostly my fault. I really should practice what I preach about communication; I never tell my mom anything about what I really think. However, I do have good reasons. As I've said, she thinks very differently from me, and she is very judgmental. If I let her know that I disagree with every one of her principles, she would be heart broken at best, and assured of the fact that I was a devil-worshiping demon spawn crazy lady at worst. Anybody who disagrees with my mother is wrong, and for her own daughter to disagree? She would have an aneurysm. So I don't tell her how I feel about the world. I don't tell her how much I love philosophy, especially transcendentalism and existentialism, and I certainly don't bring up my liberal political views. I don't bring up topics of disagreement in a sincere attempt to be anything but disagreeable. Recently though, she's taken my usual silence to mean that I obviously hate her. **ugh**

I don't know how to change the quiet blissful-ignorance relationship that I've formed with my mom without breaking her heart or causing her to hate me. We simply are not the same person, and she'll never accept my principles as correct or decent or good-hearted. However, she doesn't understand my silence and usual standoff-ish-ness and I don't have any way to explain it to her. Do I continue to sit silently when she confronts me about it, boiling inside because of the tragic irony unfolding on the stage right in front of my eyes? Do I have any other choice? I don't know. I don't have an answer for this one.

Do you have similar relationships with your parents? Do you feel like it's impossible for them to totally understand you if they are simply not the understanding type? Or do you have very good relationships with your parents? Let me know!

See you when I see you.
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