Bases

Wow. Just... Wow.

((This post will be sexual. Abort now if you won't like it!))

Today was an "us" day for J. and I, and we did a ton of stuff... Went to the movies, went grocery shopping, went to Starbucks, went home and cooked dinner, played cards with my mom, ate, played more cards, watched some TV, and then I took him for ice cream on the way home... and we ended up having some unadulterated fun in the backseat.

Wow. Have I said wow yet? WOW.

I've mentioned my insecurity and self-esteem issues enough already on this blog that I feel stupid reiterating, but knowing that I struggle with those issues is key to understanding all these wows. Because, my dear strangers, tonight was the first time I took all of my clothing off in front of someone. And not only was I not afraid or ashamed or anxious... I enjoyed it.

Now lets get some random things straight here: a) I'm still a virgin b) J. also had his clothes off (also for the first time) and c) keep in mind we were in a tiny back seat. Difficulties are ABUNDANT!

I'm pretty sure that about 30 minutes were spent making out and exploring each other's bare bodies, and about 15 minutes were spent having really hot oral. There was something so hot and exposed and intimate about running my hands and lips over his bare body. His skin felt so smooth and soft and he was so warm and strong and I could NOT keep my hands off of him. Later, he told me he felt the same way. As for the oral, I recently read this sex blog on the Cosmo website and it gave me lots of tips... Lets just say I drove J. CRAZY with new techniques! He does this funny thing when he's really horny... He'll gasp, and then he'll laugh at his own reaction... (("Gasp... haha! Gasp! hahaha!... Gaspppppp... haha GASP haha!!!")) Like really. It was so funny and cute and sexy and I felt so powerful! In any case, he was done pretty quickly. Then it was my turn and... well. Wow.

I think tonight's mentality has a lot to do with the emotional connections J. and I have with each other. This was the first time we got so intimate with each other, and while I had gotten him to third base before, tonight he got me there for the first time. Obviously this can be a tricky step in any relationship, but neither of us felt awkward or ashamed or anything bad at all-- we were having the times of our lives. We even talked and joked during all this time and there was never a lull except for us to pause and (corny as it may sound) look into each others' eyes lovingly and longingly before starting up again. And truly, I don't think I could ever feel this comfortable, and relaxed, and simply RIGHT with anyone in the world but J.. Sexual acts or none, our chemistry is ridiculous, and he makes me feel like a million bucks every time he smiles at me. I could NEVER feel this close to anyone but him, and tonight just proved that even more.

Have you ever found amazing chemistry with a partner? What happened in your relationship? Do you find that it is hard to balance your physical and emotional concerns in your relationships, or does this come naturally? Let me know!!

See you when I see you.
A