Moods

Do you ever have a really strong, really sudden mood swing you don't really know how to describe? I know, that's basically the definition of teenage emotions, or emotions in general I guess... But tonight I became a little more aware of how mood swings affect relationships.

It started when J. tried to get me to guess what he got me for Christmas, while I attempted to re-write a post I accidently lost (all 6 paragraphs of it!) earlier. He told me that we had already talked about the thing he was getting me, and guessing quickly turned into me rummaging through my memory. I was also rummaging for the emotions and words behind my earlier post and having zero luck. Lets just say I was falling very short in both departments.

The thing is, I have a really horrible memory. I don't remember most of my childhood... I hardly remember events from 6 months ago. I only remember *big things* or random memories that have stuck with me. Cumulatively, I think I have less than 50 memories from before the time I was in middle school. Now, I'm not sure that that's a weird number, but it feels small to me, and it really bothers me. My short-term memory is just as bad, and it shows up in things like remembering why I wanted to go to the store, studying vocab, and recalling lessons while I'm reading notes. Basically I just get really ticked off with my brain and its short-comings in memory.

So, while I was talking to J., these memory issues seemed so pertinent and so horribly inconvenient and incapacitating and for some reason I became really childishly upset. I was pouting and to be honest, I still am a little, though writing about it is helping. The weirdest part is that although these memory issues have almost nothing to do with J. and I, it made me frustrated not just at myself, but at him. Within the span of 3 minutes I went from jokingly playing '20 questions' and laughing, to moodily sulking over everything, and snapping at him (in the form of muting his sound on the call because he was making an annoying sound). He must have known something was up and he left to get coffee and I got even moodier: I felt not only frustrated, but now like a bitch. I had just snapped at the love of my life because I couldn't remember what I had written in a previous blog post, or what I had asked for for Christmas.

I feel like I could find a lot of excuses for that behavior, but I can't. Yes, it was a good blog post that I was proud of and wanted to share. Yes, I'm tired and I hate my memory issues. But he did not deserve my moodiness and I do not deserve to be so harsh on myself and others due to something out of my control.

Meh.

Do you ever have problems with your own moodiness affecting your partner, or other people you're in relationships with? Has it ever been so bad it resulted in a fight, or worse? Are the people you really love the ones who take your moods in stride and help you, or the ones who snap you out of it and back into reality? Let me know!

See you when I see you.
A

((P.S. The blog post has been resurrected from my memory, though I know it has a different spin now. Still, it is what I wanted to say, and maybe better. Who knows? Well, here it is. Enjoy!))