Friday, December 28, 2012

Abandoned

Do you ever find that one friend who decides they get tired of you and leaves your life, thinking they can just waltz back in when they feel like it? Yeah. 

"I will not be brutally abandoned only so I can sit patiently and wait until you decide you need me. I have always been here and I have always been me. It's not my fault if it took you too long to realize that."

Sometimes I think I've pushed people away recently because I have changed so much this whole year of 2012. I've grown into myself, and realized what I believe and stand by in my life. Through this change, some of my friends have realized that I'm no longer the best match for them, and have moved on, which is ok. Other friends have come into my life, and I've formed great bonds with people who think along the same lines as I do. Still others, people I used to be friends with who decided I was too annoying in the past, have noticed my new maturity and have tried to come back into my life as if they had never left. But for me, it doesn't really work like that.

I'm all for forgiveness, I really am. I believe people really can change (lord knows I have) and I think that people fuck up sometimes, and that that is just to be expected. But when people purposefully leave your life, even when you need them, and then come back hoping you'll do everything for them you always had as if they had never left... That's a little hard for me to stomach. I don't deal well with being left for "better things" and when I'm hurt, I'm hurt, and it's hard for me to forget that hurt feeling. Even though I have changed, I have always been basically me (caring, willing to help, listening, and supportive) and those are the qualities you cannot give up on just to come back to when you decide you need them.

I'm not mad. I'm a little disappointed that the person causing me this angst thinks that I love and care shallowly enough to accept that they "miss me" and that they want me "back in their life" after they didn't answer my messages for six months straight. I'm a little disappointed they think so lowly of me that I wouldn't be hurt by their actions, and that I don't deserve an apology. I'm a little disappointed they left in the first place, when I was only trying to grow closer to them in the first place. But I'm not mad. And I will forgive them. But I may not forget.

Have you been abandoned? Have you been the person on the other end, and what did you do? Let me know!

See you when I see you.
A

No comments:

Post a Comment