Options

J. and I had originally decided that we didn't want to have sex until I was on borth control, just to be on the safe side. Recently we have learned and figured out that I probably won't be able to be on the pill until about a year from now, and while we're in no hurry to have sex, the wait seems a little daunting and annoying and nearly pointless. So, lately we have changed our policy a bit... Not to just say fuck it and have unprotected sex, but to have condoms around and available as options with us in case we decide we are ready to have sex and want to have sex so that if that is the case, we can do so safely and without too much worry. It's not that we are going to immediately rush out to do it, butthat if we decide we are both ready, we can indeed have sex.

I think options like this in a relationship are really important, for some obvious and not so simple reasons. Firstly, the one that seems obvious; unprotected sex is not a good idea, especially not for the first time, and it is a much better plan to have back up than to have no plan at all. Secondly, with an easy plan that doesn't have a set time limit, J. and I are free to decide the exact circumstances of the first time we have sex. We don't need to plan around anything other than our normal plans and as long as he always has a condom in his wallet, we also have the freedom of spontaneity, which is a good thing for us personally because we are very spontaneous people.

The less in-your-face reason i think it's good to have options of any kind in a relationship is that there is simply more freedom for both partners to make the relationship more personal and tailored in respect to individual wishes and needs. There should never be ultimatums in relationships revolving around important issues. It should not be "sex now or no sex ever" or "marry me or never speak to me again". People do not work robotically, and compromise is necessary for a healthy relationship. Without compromise there is dominance and loss of expression of individual beliefs and feelings, as well as an unhealthy feeling of pressure that can lead to regret or hurt feelings. Options lead to compromise and relaxed decisions in love and those are essential for healthy relationships.

Whatever happens in the sex department between J. and I will happen; all I know now is that we have the ability to decide when where and how we lose our virginities, and I'm really happy and grateful for that.

Did you have options when you were faced with losing the v-card? Did you lack options and wish you had had them? Or was it spontaneous and optionless and amazing?et me know!!!

See you when I see you.
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