Jump

We all have those jumping points in life. Those moments where we don't feel totally comfortable with what our brains and hearts are screaming, where the darkness beyond the headlights terrifies us, and the future is not promising or warm, and not dark or scary either, but rather just a big blank horizon, waiting for the colors of newness to splash into it. Those moments where one word means the difference between change and staying the same, and one breath catches in your throat, snagging on the words that may or may not change our lives. The cliffs of now, the looming depths of tomorrow, and the scarred ragged roads of the past that have lead us to the edge. Do we jump?

Love is a scary thing to jump into. Any new relationship can be, and that is simply because we cannot possibly know what somebody else is thinking, exactly what they are thinking, unless they tell us. Communication in budding relationships is non-existent or feeble at best, and the shaky bridges that lead us over the cliff into the future are covered with clouds of confusion. And unfortunately, those clouds aren't going to dissipate on their own. People entering new relationships either step tepidly to the edges of their cliffs until they gently feel the bridge swinging beneath them, or they plunge face first onto it by sheer dumb luck. Or we see the brave few, who shout and scream and laugh over the edges of the cliffs until their communication clears away all of the clouds, and they run to each other without pause or fear over the bridge until they finally embrace.

Like I've said time and time again, I cannot dictate how every relationship should or will work out. But I will say this... When J. and I first got together, I did not have any romantic interest in him. At all. We were very good friends and I was recovering from a rough break up and I needed a friend to understand me more than anything else. I knew he had a crush on me, and so I finally told him (after weeks of talking 24/7 and becoming even closer with him) that we should go on a date just for fun. Really, if I'm being honest, this first date was, under my original intentions, a pity date. But, after making that small step, we talked more and more in the two weeks leading up to our date, and the inevitability of our looming relationship became bigger and bigger until we could hardly keep ourselves apart before the actual date. The clouds around our bridge took a long time to disappear... But now it seems as if every road of my life up until now has only existed to bring me here and now, to him, into his arms, and him into my heart.

Maybe not every jump will land you in perfect happiness. But how will you know until you try? And if the worst that can happen is that you fall onto a new road of life that will lead you to a new cliff, isn't it worth it anyway?

I jumped. And now, I will never ever regret that decision. I jumped, and now I am with my soul-mate.

Have you ever jumped? Maybe it's time.

See you when I see you.
A