Parents

This is a blog about relationships, and I know I definitely stick to pretty much the same topic- my heterosexual, romantic relationship with my lovely partner, J.. However, there are other relationships on my mind today, namely my relationship with my parents. Oh boy. Where do I even begin?

I've never had a perfect relationship with either of my parents, more like fleeting moments of "good" in which I seem to be on the same page as them and everybody is happy. But outside of those moments, not only are all of our wavelengths totally different, but they also violently crash and cancel out in a frightful scene every so often. While my dad is an aggressive and very lazy hypocrite, my mom is incredibly judgmental and two-faced. I don't think I could subjectively describe myself well enough for fairness sake, but to be as critical as I can be, I'm fairly arrogant and attention-loving, and I take sides really easily, especially since I'm argumentative. So, that's our jolly fun-time family dynamic that lays the base for all of our... adventures.

My dad has always been a yeller, even when he was just engaged to my mom 27 years ago. She always tells me about their first fight, and that she was shocked at his behavior, and how now it is pretty much his go-to "angry man" behavior. He screams and yells and curses and throws stuff, hits walls, stomps feet, slams doors... He really goes the nine yards. What's worse is that usually he puts words in peoples' mouths and makes mountains out of mole hills, and so his arguments are not only pointless, stupid, and inefficient, but often childish and wasteful, as well as incredibly hurtful. He would sooner yell at you until you cried, and then continue to bitch because he felt guilty, than calmly ask you to re-explain yourself so he knew what you were actually trying to say. This is also the same man who, when given ONE chore for the day from his wife (who is also the only one working, the only one who shops and cooks, and the only one who helps me with school) doesn't JUST sleep all day and not do it, but also scream at said wife when she asks if he did the chore, asking "how dare she force him to do something when he already does so much?" Yeah. That kind of man.

As for my mom, she is ridiculously judgmental. She will go to church, pay her dues, "pray" reverently, and then bitch incessantly about anybody who didn't please her on the way home. Even people who are just being who they are can't hide from my mom's hell-fire. She calls people out for being "strange" or not "normal" enough like it was her job. All my life she's slipped me snarky little comments about my weight or appearance, never agreeing with my sense of fashion, always criticizing anything she didn't like (down to something as simple as blue nail polish or yellow eye shadow). My sneakers, though comfortable, functional, and worn down, are an "embarrassment" to her, and so she insists I throw them out. God forbid I suggest we shop at Sears because "people like us don't shop somewhere like that", even though I've seen her count pennies and cut coupons for toilet paper more times than you would care to know. She thinks her way is the best way, and that is that.

Something both my parents share is an inability to think outside the box, or to search for meaning in their lives. My mom is convinced there is a heaven, and that she is going there because she is religious, and that that is all she needs to do. Sure, she helps homeless people at a shelter every couple of months. Sure, she helps out at church. But does she make the world a better place mentally and intellectually, ever? Not really. In fact, her judgment taints others and her view of the world, and while luckily only clouding her own vision, still gets in the way of others if it changes her actions because of it. As for my dad, he's open to new ideas, but only if he agrees with them. The man won't argue against gay marriage because he thinks that people should have equal rights... But he will argue against it because it's "not natural" in his eyes.

I didn't come on here tonight to complain about my parents. Everybody could do that if they wanted. I came on here to talk about relationships. So, here is what results from these crazy parents in my life. Obviously, I'm nothing like them, or I would never notice these atrocities the way I do. But I never say a single thing about it. Because, truthfully, the pair of them are too thick to realize that I am different and that I look down on them. And if I ever tried to tell them, or make an argument that I was their intellectual equal, or superior, I would be quickly discouraged, not listened to, and dismissed to my room while I learned my "place". So, our relationship has developed into that quiet thing that turns it's head when intelligent conversation comes dancing into possibility. Our differing views and personalities make it impossible for us to talk above the trivial and inconspicuous, and so our relationship has stunted while I have grown, and I can no longer meet them eye to eye. Whether or not they see that, I'm not sure, but it has happened in the past year so quickly it's slapped me in the face at every conversation with it's harsh newness.

Although it's perhaps a shame that I will continue to let my parents live in the blissful ignorance that I am their faithful, willing daughter, it's best for them. They have functioned for 26 years without me throwing in my stubborn thoughts and opinions that belong in this century into their workings. Now the oil is thinner and my seemingly outlandish behavior does not help. I see the question "how is this our daughter" in their minds at every left turn, and so I always veer right. Little do they know I'm only traveling further and further away.

Have you drifted from your parents, or are you similar to them? Do you have a good or bad relationship with your parents? Let me know!

See you when I see you.
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